80+ Funny New Year Quotes & Wishes for a Fun 2024

2022 was different for all of us. 365 days come with a multitude of experiences, both pleasant and unpleasant.

Although we can't control what happens to us in life, we can strengthen ourselves with some tools.

Humor is one of them. No matter how you feel about the new year, these funny new year quotes and wishes are sure to make you chuckle.

They are also great to share with your friends and write on cards for a fun twist.

This post is divided into two parts:

Funny New Year Quotes
Funny New Year Wishes

Funny New Year Quotes

“First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.”
— F. Scott Fitzgerald

“Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.”
— Bill Vaughn

“I would say ‘Happy New Year,’ but it’s not happy; it’s exactly the same as last year except colder.”
— Robert Clark

“He who breaks a resolution is a weakling; he who makes one is a fool.”
— Farquhar McGillivray Knowles

“My New Year’s resolution was to stop saying ‘You go, girl’ to myself.”
— Zach Galifianakis

“Stir the eggnog, lift the toddy, Happy New Year everybody.”
— Phyllis McGinley

“New Year’s is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions.”
— Mark Twain

“Last year’s resolution was to lose 20 pounds by Christmas. Only 30 pounds to go.”
— Anonymous

“Many years ago I resolved never to bother with New Year’s resolutions, and I’ve stuck with it ever since.”
— Dave Beard

“Tonight’s December thirty-first, something is about to burst… Hark, it’s midnight, children dear. Duck! Here comes another year!”
— Ogden Nash

“My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year’s resolutions.”
— Anonymous

“I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning, and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me.”
— Anaïs Nin

“If you want an interesting party, combine cocktails and a fresh box of crayons for everyone.”
— Robert Fulghum

“May the New Year bring you courage to break your resolutions early! My own plan is to swear off every kind of virtue, so that I triumph even when I fall.”
— Aleister Crowley

“New Year’s is just a holiday created by calendar companies who don’t want you reusing last year’s calendar.”
— Unknown

“The funniest part of a new year is making new resolutions. I am pretty sure you have one too. Let me know about your resolution, and I’ll try not to laugh as I did in the last year.”
— Unknown

“Come, gentlemen, I hope we shall drink down all unkindness.”
— William Shakespeare

“Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn’t it, of a long line of proven criminals?”
— Ogden Nash

“I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.”
— Unknown

“I’m a little bit older, a little bit wiser, a little bit rounder, but still none the wiser.”
— Robert Paul

“Every New Year’s I have the same question: ‘How did I get home?’”
— Melanie White

“Deep breaths are very helpful at shallow parties.”
— Barbara Walters

“You know how I always dread the whole year? Well, this time I’m only going to dread one day at a time.”
— Charlie Brown

“I can’t believe it’s been a year since I didn’t become a better person.”
—Anonymous

“The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to.”
— P.J. O’Rourke

“May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions.”
— Joey Adams

“My New Year’s resolution list usually starts with the desire to lose between 10 and 3,000 pounds.”
— Nia Vardalos

“New Year’s Day now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.”
— Mark Twain

“Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.”
— Oscar Wilde

“Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.”
— Bill Vaughan

“I’m still the same person I was last year—now I’m just hung over.”
— Unknown

“It wouldn’t be New Year’s if I didn’t have regrets.”
— William Thomas

“New Year’s resolution: to tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.”
— James Agate

“This New Year’s I was going to make a resolution never to be late again, but I didn’t wake up until January 2.”
— Melanie White

“Happiness is too many things these days for anyone to wish it on anyone lightly. So let’s just wish each other a bile-less New Year and leave it at that.”
— Judith Christ

“May your dreams get fulfilled as well as your bills. Best of luck with the New Year, dear.”
— Unknown

“‘Out with the old, in with the new’ is a fitting expression for a holiday that is based on vomiting.”
— Andy Borowitz

Funny New Year Wishes

Sorry for all the annoying behavior I did throughout the year. May you give me another chance to do that in the next New Year!
What’s your plan for the 31st Night? mine is to check all bookmarks I added to my browser in 2022. Happy New Year 2024!
May the New Year bring you the courage to break your resolutions early! My own plan is to swear off every kind of virtue so that I triumph even when I fall!
Let us celebrate this New Year’s Eve in honor of the time we successfully wasted this year.
I would say Happy New Year but it’s not happy; it’s exactly the same as last year except colder.
Let’s not spend New Year’s Eve trying to figure out where to spend New Year’s Eve.
I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.
They say pain and tears help one to be stronger, So I am wishing you more tears and pain. For you to become even stronger than last year. Happy New Year!
To a New Year full of new possibilities, even though I’m sure we’ll just do the same old stuff anyway.
I promise that this year too, I won’t let you do stupid things alone.
Sorry for all the annoying behavior I did last year. May you give me another chance to do it again in the new year!
I hope you will not spend the first day of the new year sleeping on the couch. May God give you the strength to fight laziness. Happy new year!
I worked long and hard all year, and I can now officially say that I've managed to waste 365 days successfully. Happy New Year!
No need for resolutions to get in shape this year. Round is a shape, and you're perfectly it. Happy New Year!
Happy New Year! I promise you, this year will be exactly the same as the last, you'll just be a little older. Cheers!
I can't believe it has been an entire year since I resolved to become a better person and then did nothing about it. Happy New Year!
I want to start this year with a clean slate, with no grudges or hard feelings. So here's your chance to apologize to me. Happy New Year!
Wishing you a new year filled with new challenges, new problems, and more pain and tears. I mean, I just want you to grow and become a stronger person. Happy New Year!
Here's to another fantastic year of making new memories, new secrets we'll take to the grave, and New Year's resolutions that we'll never keep. Happy New Year!
New Year's resolutions always fall through because people aim too high. You gotta start small, something like "I'll try my best not to eat a whole family-sized pizza by myself once a week". Happy New Year!
Here's to an amazing new year that we're starting out a little bit older, a little bit fatter, and somehow none the wiser. Happy New Year!
New Year's is great, but I never saw the point of all those New Year's resolutions. I mean, I'm already so perfect. Have a happy New Year!
A new year, and a new opportunity to repeat old mistakes in innovative new ways! Happy New Year!
My New Year’s resolution is to dream more. I guess that means I’ll need to sleep a lot.
The coming New Year is no joke. It just feels funny.
I hope the New Year is fruitful and appealing. Like bananas. I love bananas.
This year, I resolve to remember why I came into the room.
May your new year smell like a new car and never run out of gas.
Instead of saying, “Happy New Year,” couldn’t we just break it into months? You know, like, “Happy January!” I function better with smaller tasks.
This year, may your dough flow and your skin glow! Happy New Year with love and laughter!
If the New Year was an infomercial, I’d throw in another one for the price of shipping! I hope 2024 delivers!
The New Year is going to be sweet like a big bite of your favorite ice cream! Just don’t let it give you a brain freeze!
Happy New Year! I don’t know about you, but my New Year’s resolution is to stop feeling guilty about not keeping last year’s resolution.
Wise, kind, gentle, generous, beautiful. But enough about me, here’s to you – Happy New Year!
Before I agree to 2024, I need to see some terms & conditions.
Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.
It’s time to make old mistakes in different ways. Hurray! Happy New Year!
I’m gonna order a pizza five minutes before the new year and when they arrive I will say I ordered this a year ago, lol.
Happy New Year from someone who is adorable, handsome, and intelligent and wants to see you smiling always.
My wish is that this year you fulfill your New Year’s resolutions, especially the ones you made at the beginning of last year. Happy New Year!
Have a carefree New Year’s Eve and a hangover-free New Year’s Day.

Continue Reading: 50 Greatest New Year Quotes for an Amazing 2024