How to Practice Acceptance and Live Peacefully
Let's live with truth and grace.
I am writing this post in the first week of September 2024. This year has been a monumental one for me spiritually. I've mentioned this in some of my previous posts also, but I went through the hardest months of my life. The kind of months where I can count the total number of good days on one hand because the rest of them were so traumatic.
I went through upheaval in my relationships, my mental and physical health, and my finances, all at the same time, with severe intensity. I can really say that it was the worst time of my life. I just kept questioning why this was happening to me, and what I had done to deserve this. One thing or the other kept happening to my health, and it made me so much weaker. The pain of betrayals, of watching my body lose all its balance and energy, and the incapability of help myself in some ways, it all really put my whole life up for question.
When we feel weak, when we are hurt and in pain, when we are not in a good state of energy, it becomes very easy for the mind to cook up stories that will make our situations worse. Everything miserable that it says, we believe it. But I also know that there comes a point when the darkness is at its thickest that we realize we can't keep going on like this any longer.
I was sicker than I ever was, more bitter, more heartbroken, and the loneliest I had been. In these times, only having your own voice speak to you is catastrophic. I am so glad that I read books like Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl again, and The Forest of Enchantments by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni. Their words, their stories, and their encouragement battled the sorry banter of my mind. Moping and self-loathing are the easiest things for us to do in difficult times but insidiously they trap us in the hurt we actually want to overcome.
The most helpful thing that happened to me, however, was watching Demon Slayer. My little cousins had come to our grandma's home for the holidays and they were just so excited to make their oldest sister watch their favorite anime. They had no clue about how I was, but they helped me save my heart. So strange... Life... It makes you fall but also offers a hand to pick you up. Demon Slayer started my journey of acceptance and self-encouragement. It made me learn how to pick myself up no matter how hurt I am. It matured my perspective on life so I could empower and strengthen myself on my own.
I started to view my life and the people in it as they were, not as I wanted them to be. A lot of my pain and disappointment was caused by my unfulfilled imaginations. He was not how I thought he would be or how he promised to be. He was what he did. She was not how I needed her to be or what she should have been. She was what she did. My health was not as good as it used to be. It was how it was. And I could not fastrack healing.
Why acceptance is important
Acceptance is not easy, and definitely not at the start. To break apart my way of thinking and mold it into something so new and contrary was difficult and uncomfortable. But I knew it was necessary. I knew it was going to transform my life forever because the moment I accepted the truth instead of fighting it, I physically felt mountains lift off of my whole body.
Acceptance is important because it connects us to the truth. How long are we going to torture ourselves over our imagined realities and potentials of how people can be? Only what is real is real.
Acceptance is important because it directs our energies on what needs to be done. To accept doesn't mean to be lazy and stop making efforts. But, it is only when we come to terms with what is true instead of denying it can we put our foot forward in the right lane. Denial of what is cannot lead us into making it better.
Acceptance is important because it humbles us. It's a thing that needs to be accepted. Everything is not about us. Everything is not in our control. What happens to us also isn't on our hands. What people choose is not up to us. Life is a far greater, more complex, and unpredictable thing than we can ever know. All we can do is try to go along with it in the best way possible.
Acceptance is important because it strengthens us. Do I know what life has in store for me in the near and far future? Do you know what will happen in your life? The things I went through this year, I used to think they would never happen, but they did. And some incredibly wonderful things also happened that I was sure wouldn't. Life is unpredictable, to say the least. We don't know anything... But, we have to live, right? And if we have to live, it's best to live well, isn't it? We only have this one life. The relief, the peace, and the strength that comes from acceptance help us live with grace.
How to Practice Acceptance
We've talked a lot about acceptance and I am glad that you've made it here. If we really want to learn this, understanding it is imperative. Let's talk a little more about the thoughts we need to think, the truths we need to know so that we can practice acceptance in our lives in our own ways. There are no bullet points of the things you must do to practice acceptance because it is a way of living, not a list of tasks. Understand it, accept it, embrace it, live it.
1. Life is unpredictable and will not go according to our imagination
We've talked about this above but such an important idea needs reiteration. For so long, I expected my life to turn out the way I wanted it to be. For events to unfold how I imagined them. For people to treat me how I expected them. And, it was not wrong of me or you to do that, because we've all done that, but it was unrealistic, and it led to much disappointment.
Just think about this for some time. How can we expect things to happen the way that we've designed them in our minds? How can our controlled inner lives dictate what occurs in our unpredictable outer lives?
No one is saying that we should stop imagining good things. But, we've got to know that there's a chance that it might not happen and a chance that it may. This way, we won't get too attached to the story we built in our heads. And, I've found that this way of thinking has brought a lot of surprise into my life because when something does happen the way I wished it would, I am absolutely stunned!
2. Life has both pleasant and unpleasant times and they are both meaningful
This is a hard truth to accept but it is what it is. Life is not a bed of roses. There are seasons and phases. There's night and day. There's sunshine and pouring rain. I am not saying it is a good thing or a bad thing. Once you start accepting things as they are, the categories of good and bad are not too concerning, you start to let go of judgment.
Again, I'm not saying to let go of your morals. But, what we're talking about is an unchangeable truth. Life has both pleasant and unpleasant times. We cannot escape difficulties, pain, suffering, loss, and grief. Life is the way that it is.
This truth opens up a path of choice. The choice of how we want to approach both facets of life. The pleasant, happy times are easy enough. We will all rejoice when they are around. But, what about the hurtful, unpleasant times? They are going to come. Shouldn't we be prepared to face them? We can't afford to break apart every time life hits us in the face because that would severely deteriorate the quality of our lives.
The acceptance that tough times also play a role in our lives can help us go through them better. Suffering is an opportunity to make yourself stronger, wiser, more resilient. I am not saying it is a good thing to suffer, no. But, if the suffering cannot be avoided, we have to live it. So, why not live it in a way that makes us proud of ourselves? A way that prepares us for any future time when pain would make its way to us, but having already strengthened ourselves, we can bear it better.
3. People's choices are not ours to make
This was a big one for me to accept and I still keep reminding myself of this truth. But yes, I cannot choose for other people even if I know for a fact that what I'm suggesting is the right choice to make. It is their choice to make, not mine. I know it is infuriating, especially when you see someone you love make bad choices that end up affecting you. But, what can we do? We can talk to them, let them know our problems, and why we think they should choose differently. But, if they don't, there's nothing left to do. We have to make our own choice then. Waiting around and hoping people will change when they clearly aren't, it's a painful scene. They will be who they will be. Our love and care for them unfortunately cannot change them. We must see the truth of them as it is.
4. Most things are not in our control. Only our behavior is.
Let me tell you something that happened just now. I had completed this post and pressed the button to publish it. But something happened, the screen paused, and everything that I had written beyond this point got deleted. Before, I would have been too infuriated to continue writing. But, again, it happened, now what do I do? I made peace with the loss of so much effort. It is what it is. And now I am back again completing this post immediately. Hopefully, this time it'll be okay (it was 😌).
This is what life is. It doesn't always crumble gigantic mountains. It also throws these tiny pebbles here and there that can affect our mood momentarily. But, learning to accept and move on helps so much. Maybe what I write now will be better than before and because of what happened I could give you a good example. That's life.
5. Worrying will never change what will happen, but surely ruin the moment you actually have
"We suffer more in imagination than in reality."
- Seneca
I have stumbled upon these words at different times in my life and they always succeed in humbling me. Aren't they so true? So many times, our sufferings are our own creations. I am all about embracing emotions, but we shouldn't let them overpower us. Emotions are natural responses and it is important to notice and accept them the way they are but we also have to know how to regulate them. We have to learn how to calm ourselves because a calm mind responds and decides well.
What will happen will happen whether we worry about it or not. Why intentionally make ourselves go through that fear and pain of expecting those things to happen? Life can't be predicted. And, the worst part, worrying incessantly robs us of the life that we have right in front of us. It doesn't allow us to live when we are actually alive.
6. What happened, happened. What is, is. What will be, will be.
These words are my affirmations that have helped me so much in practicing acceptance. Whenever I start fighting the truth or become worried about the future, I repeat these words to myself. And they make me feel relieved. Letting go of control when we never had any control in the first place feels so good.
I recently wrote a post on acceptance affirmations and I am sure that they will be very helpful to you in practicing acceptance. You are the only person who can truly help you. So, it will be your own voice that will silence the voice of denial in your head. Here are some of the affirmations:
- It is what it is.
- What will happen, will happen.
- People will be who they are, I cannot make their choices.
- They are what they do, not what I imagine they could be.
- I see things as they are.
- I have control over my choices.
- I have control over my actions.
- I am where I am, the truth is the truth.
- I accept the flow of life with an open heart.
- I accept and trust the process of life.
And, that's it! I am so glad that I finally got around to writing on this topic. I knew I really wanted to because acceptance has genuinely changed how I approach life. I hope this post helped you even a little bit. If you have a friend who might enjoy reading this, please share it with them. Best wishes! Take care!
Continue Reading: 7 Ways to Be Brave and Finally Overcome Your Fears
