Tanya's Story - A lesson on acceptance
"This journey gave me clarity for the first time in my life."
My life has never been easy, and this past year has been the most uncomfortable for me. It has forced me to see the wall I had erected around myself that held me back and had controlled my interactions with others for so many years. I had created a wall so high that it was now damaging my ability to discern people's intentions towards me and therefore I had allowed someone into my life that was mentally abusive.
I allowed this person to continuously place my levels of discomfort at such an extreme level that my mental health was weakening and I was losing a grip on what was real and what was not. In order for me to get back to being healthy, I made the decision to go on a journey to find myself and to get back my trust and faith in God. I left my home for 10 days and went into the woods to reflect and to look within at the things that I had been complacent about that were damaging my life.
This journey gave me clarity for the first time in my life. Having been sexually abused as a child and abandoned by my parents and family members, having moved so much as a child, and being poor in finances all of my life had left me with no real connections to anyone. I felt so alone that I allowed people into my life who were toxic and could not see how they were damaging to my spirit.
I spent these 10 days talking to God and working out my frustrations with Him. I decided that I could not manage my life any longer on my own and that I must give it and all that is in it over to Him. That I must find the patience to be still and to listen. When I came back home, I felt ready to find the life that I deserved to have but I also knew that I needed to do more work on myself and that is when I found this app.
Working through this 30-day challenge is really bringing into perspective all of the things I had been neglecting in my life. I can now work on the different areas that had been hiding for so many years. And I began to recognize how I had not even been able to see the wall I had up. That it was holding me back from achieving the joy that I wanted to have in it. I am now working on setting healthy boundaries with the people in my life and I am learning to have patience with myself and others.
I now understand that not everyone is out to attack me and that others are also working from a place of deep pain and rejection. It has helped me to clarify the areas of my life that have been traumatizing me and to learn acceptance and mindfulness of others but to also hold onto my faith that God has a plan for me. I need not know the answers all the time and to put my trust in Him and not in those who want to do me harm.
