Chris' Story - The Irony of a Grateful Life
"What if the mountain didn't have to come crumbling down at all?"
As I look back at my life, I think about everything I feared would happen when I was younger, and, like most young people, I ignorantly believed they would never happen to me. Many of them have.
I've never been one to learn a lesson from the stories of others. I guess that is a double-edged sword. My family, by nature, is pessimistically minded. And I guess there's some sense to that mindset - at least you're prepared when the mountain comes crumbling down on top of you.
But what if the mountain didn't have to come crumbling down at all? Maybe I'm stronger than I realize, and I made the mountain come crumbling down on myself.
Everyone has the occasional rock fall down in front of them, sometimes even hitting them on the head. But I've taken those rocks and thrown them at others sometimes. More often, at myself. And I wondered why life was so "cruel" to me.
I don't know that I've ever really known how to live life, is the problem. If I was victimized in some way, I'd ignore it but ultimately victimize others. I felt judged and judged others in return, was robbed and, in turn, robbed others, was abused and abused others, numb to the consequences. I think it's because I ran from my problems or acted like they didn't exist and just didn't know what to do with them.
But I was creating a vicious cycle that affected me and everyone in my path. In the meantime, I was too busy to notice how much God had protected me and how lucky I was to be alive. I have a family, an education, and a past full of lessons, and that is my biggest blessing because there's not much I can't relate to.
That wide perspective gives me the opportunity to be of value to so many people. And while I'm sorry to the people I've hurt, I wouldn't trade my past for anyone else's. I will never be able to make amends for all of the mistakes I've made.
Sometimes I think the best amends are not letting the adverse experiences of my life be in vain. To use those to help bring more peace to the world ensures that my life is free of regrets. Today, although it's constant work, I try to see the positive side of things, anticipate blessings, and practice gratitude.
Ironically, it's the things that have made my life most difficult that I'm most grateful for. They make me human and allow me to see others as humans as well. Now, most of the time when I'm bracing for the next avalanche, I look up and see a few pebbles falling off the mountain. Even more often, when I have the courage to look, I don't see a mountain at all.
