Nikie's Story - Broken Child
I was raised in a family that has damaged roots. My mother became an alcoholic narcissist and my dad is her submissive enabler.
My sister the golden child who knew how to jump through my mother's burning hoops is also badly damaged. Only found that out last year. We were not allowed to have contact.
I was a kind and freedom-loving child and couldn't jump high enough. Not only did my mom decide that I wasn't worthy of her love and attention, but she did that before I was even born.
I felt unlovable, inherently flawed, bad, and unsafe my whole life. No one cared for me. Only the necessary things in life were given but never love or positive attention.
No one but my mom was allowed to have feelings or separate thoughts. Nothing that could give my mother stress in any way was allowed. That and many other ways of torture made me crippled most of my life.
No friends, love, job, or income because for that you needed confidence. I didn't know how to love myself or how to be grateful for what I had. Went into a deep depression and anxiety for many years.
Until moments of clarity surfaced after some well-needed rest. I found gratitude in moments of peace and quiet in nature. That was a way for me to go. I wrote that all down and it made me l more weightless... That changed a lot for me.
I found the Gratitude app and it made me fall in love with life. Stumbled upon it by chance and it changed everything. Things started happening. I became calmer and not so highly reactive anymore.
Happier with more confidence. Automatically more grateful for the moments that were better than ever before. It began with gratitude for what I had, to gratitude for every moment. Gratitude is a gift that keeps on giving. I'd say a very big change of mindset.
Peace & love Nikie
