As the oldest child in my family and a bullied (undiagnosed) neurodivergent, my childhood taught me the art of people-pleasing. I should say, my mom taught me by example, because it's something she still struggles with to this day.
This people-pleasing sent me into a desperation for love that led me into a narcissist's arms. I was abused to the point that my people-pleasing became my only identity. It turned into my armor to keep me safe from strangulation and broken bones...
I was lost. What was left of me was slowly dying deep inside, crying for me to save her before it was too late...
It wasn't me who saved her, though...
I became pregnant after 7 years of this terrible abuse, and I decided that my beautiful bundle deserved a good mom.
Yeah... my narcissist had me convinced that I was the problem, but I'm GRATEFUL for that now because it forced me to do work internally, which revealed so much.
I turned back to God.
Being raised religious, I had always felt bad for turning away from God, but I turned away from everything that I loved when I was surviving.
Turning back to God brought purpose and peace back into my life. It didn't matter how much my abuser fought me; I was worshipping for my child.
I also began to go for daily walks by myself, which boosted my mindset and happiness. I felt unstoppable. I began to talk to my most trusted family members about the abuse. I started getting more open about my story, and this not only helped me see how many people had my back, but it helped me start breaking free from my abuser emotionally too.
He abused me in front of our baby a couple of times, which made it easier still to despise him.
I began to practice self-care. I began to stand up for myself, which did cause backlash, but each blow gave me more reason to back off.
In the last 1.5 years, I have had the most growth. I started a business on social media with a second bank account, which built my confidence and self-reliance. I started therapy, had another baby, finally put my foot down, and told my abuser that if he ever so much as touched me in anger again, I would leave with the kids (and made sure he knew I meant it).
I began to journal daily, and now I am starting a business in Empowerment Coaching for women in abusive relationships to help them find their power the way I did. Yeah, I'm still with my abuser, but I am living in my power now, and he has to deal with that.
It all started from a single thing.
Gratitude for my children. Gratitude for my God. Gratitude for my family. Gratitude for my life. And now I have even learned to have gratitude for what happened to me because I have the ability to help other people going through the same thing!
I am still working on people-pleasing tendencies, but am grateful for my ability to heal, and my strength, and reminding myself of that every day will help me get over this hurdle.
I hope if you relate, you will first begin journaling. It's freeing and can shed so much light on how you feel and what areas you're struggling with.
I hope you will focus on what you are grateful for every day because focusing on what you are grateful for puts you in a happier, calmer, and more fulfilled mindset.
Taking walks, popping in a self-love podcast or uplifting music is also such a great way to bring peace to yourself.
Of course, prayer too, if you believe in God.
Thank you for reading my story. ♡
If you want to connect, my IG handle is Sorcia.Louise ♡