On Day 3 of my 21-day Self-Love Course, I talk about overcoming comparison to other people as an important part of being a better friend to yourself.
As we have people around us that seem to be doing well and serve as examples of success or happiness, we might want to be like them somehow.
Maybe in terms of appearance, behavior, career choices, buying choices, vocabulary, or anything else.
All of this leads to comparison and measuring ourselves up against them.
It causes feelings of insufficiency and dissatisfaction with who we are. It also paints them up as perfect people who have it all good.
But, they don't, no one does. They might even be comparing themselves to someone else, or you if they happen to know you.
But, there are much healthier ways to deal with this, and let’s dive into them today.
Here are 5 ways to help you stop comparing yourself to other people:
How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
- Eliminate triggers
- Don't bring yourself into everything
- Appreciate the good things about you
- Appreciate and learn from others
- Divert this energy into working
1. Eliminate triggers
Are there some certain stimulants of comparison in your life? I’ll be honest, it’s Instagram for me.
Looking at these beautiful women does make me feel that I’m not beautiful enough. It’s shocking because I don’t even think about beauty so much.
Why is Instagram doing this? So, first I put an app timer of 10 minutes so that I wouldn’t use the app for long.
But even then, it didn’t really get solved. So, I uninstalled the app.
This is the case for appearances. Sometimes, it’s about looking at other people, online or offline, and they seem to be doing so great.
Everything looks put together. And, dealing with this is not as simple as uninstalling an app. Let’s see what else we can do.
2. Don't bring yourself into everything
Yep. When I compare myself to someone, I am critical of my tendency. Why exactly do I have to bring myself into this? Why am I obsessed with myself?
Since these are such visceral experiences, no one will guide me unless I express my thoughts. So, I talk to myself.
When you tend to compare yourself to someone, be direct with yourself. Not everything is about you.
It’s such a negative feeling, all of this. When we compare ourselves to someone, we want to feel better about ourselves.
So, mostly we’ll want to seem better than them. This manifests in thinking that we’re better or even saying mean things about the other person.
Let’s put a stop to this. This is not about you.
Although connected, we are all separate people. Why should we compare when it’s not leading to any good?
3. Appreciate the good things about you
All of us have great things about ourselves, and we have the capability to be even better.
So, what do you like about yourself? What are some things that others like in you? What are you appreciated for? How do you help those around you?
There is a lot of good in you. You need to transform your perspective to be healthier towards yourself.
Here are some gratitude prompts for self-appreciation:
- What do you like most about yourself?
- Write about a time when you challenged your comfort zone.
- Express gratitude to yourself and the journey you're having.
- What are you always excited to do?
- What is your strongest life value?
- What is one part of your life that you won't trade for anything?
- What is something that was hard to do but you did it anyway?
- How have you supported people throughout your life? Remember a time when you helped someone in need.
- What are the steps that you have taken through the years that made you a better version of yourself?
- What is your favorite part of your daily routine?
4. Appreciate and learn from others
I just said that we need to form healthier perspectives toward ourselves, right? That applies to others too.
We don’t need to compare. We need to appreciate more. Everyone has great things about themselves. We learn from each other.
When there’s something about someone that you like, appreciate them for it, genuinely. And, learn.
There’s no shame in being inspired by others. How else would we be inspired? We are all connected.
5. Divert this energy into working
And, finally, let’s admit that comparison is a useless, negative, and draining activity. What does it lead to? We resent ourselves and other people.
If what they have is something that you genuinely want, work for it.
If it’s a healthier body or a richer vocabulary or better work or anything that is good enough to work for, then do it. Just don’t stay in this darkness.
You deserve peace and happiness.
And, that’s it! These were my 5 tips on how to stop comparing yourself to others. I hope this helped you. Trust me, I know how this feels.
Stay patient with yourself. Keep working on overcoming this. It’s a gradual process. I wish you the very best!
Continue reading: How to Stop Complaining and Live Gratefully