Ahh, a breakup. It sucks… I know. It’s not just about the time when you have to end things but the time after it.
Moving on, settling in, dealing with those emotions, and trying to stick to our decision, it’s something we all go through in one way or another, some time or another.
So, today let’s learn how we can successfully do it.
So many people fall back into the relationships after they finally got out of them even when they know they’re better off away.
I’ve been a Pro at ending relationships, (platonic, familial, and romantic) and never going back.
One reason is that I broke them when I knew that the only way forward was down and any more chances were going to lead to more pain.
So, when the book’s closed, it’s closed for good.
This by no means says that I never faced the challenges like others do, like your ex approaching you again and again, or feeling that you missed them, or having doubts.
But, there were some solid ways that helped me keep choosing the right thing and I want to share them with you now.
Here are 7 ways to help you move on from an ex:
- Cut contact
- Don't fool yourself
- It happened for a reason
- Celebrate your time
- Time for self-love
- Journal your feelings
- Stay close to your friends and family
How to Move On from an Ex
1. Cut contact
Yes, I know you know it, but it’s THE most important step. Cut out any type of contact that you have with them.
Even if you ended things amicably and want to remain friends, have no contact with them until you’ve moved on further. It’s okay to let them know.
Don’t text, don’t call, don’t social media stalk, don’t respond, and don’t ask people about them. In any way, don’t try to keep in touch with them and their lives.
Handle things with grace. Don’t try to give them (or anyone else) hints that you miss them. It’s time to let go.
2. Don't fool yourself
People get back into relationships that aren’t working or good for them because they still care for the person or even love them.
Guess what? You might keep caring for them forever.
If someone was so close to you for an amount of time, you might always care about them in some capacity.
As you move on, they wouldn’t have a major impact on you anymore, but you may still care. It’s not a bad thing.
But, it doesn’t mean that you have to get back together.
Some people even have hopes that the other person has changed. And EVEN IF that’s true, you should still not get back together.
You need to take care of yourself right now. If they’ve changed, they’ll know it’s good for you.
Being in a relationship is not the only way to take things forward.
When people love each other, it’s not the relationship’s existence that matters most, it’s the other person’s peace and happiness.
I want you to focus on healing yourself.
Become the healthy, happy person that you deserve to be. Then, you’ll know what the right choice is for you.
3. It happened for a reason
They’re your ex for a reason. Hold on to that reason. When we’re not in the past anymore, the good things stand out more than the bad.
So, remember that if everything was okay, it wouldn’t have ended.
Yes, there were good times, but they were what made you stay, right? But then the bad got too much and it had to end.
Those things still stand true. No matter how much you miss them, remember the reason why it ended. I’m sure it was important.
4. Celebrate your time
A relationship is a priority, and it’s a big part of your day-to-day. Now that you have time to give to other things, celebrate it.
You can now divert your energy into doing things you enjoy. What are your hobbies? You can do whatever you want.
You don’t have to update them anymore. There’s good in this. You can give a lot of time to understanding yourself, deeply introspect, and reflect on your life.
I’ve found that post-breakup time is the best to know yourself.
5. Time for self-love
Oh yes, you really need to love yourself. Go on and pamper yourself, you deserve it.
Sing Taylor Swift songs at the top of your voice, let yourself cry, be kind to yourself, appreciate the many good things in your life, binge-watch your favorite shows, go biking, and work on the parts of yourself you couldn’t focus on before.
I have a 21-day self-love course that could be really helpful for you right now. Together, we’ll work on self-acceptance, forgiveness, body positivity, positive self-talk, and more through bite-sized lessons every day.
Also, you can listen to these self-love affirmations right away and they'll help you show yourself kindness in this tough time and help you know that you are enough for yourself:
6. Express your feelings
There’s a lot that’s on your mind. So many memories, so many feelings, one after another, all of them together.
So, you need to have a space where you can let all of this out. Be it through music, journaling, or talking to your friends.
Don’t put a lid on it and think you’ll move on. No. You have to go through the pain. You have to embrace it, let it wash over you, and slowly fade away.
I know of people who got into terrible habits because they never shared what they felt. This is not strength, not by any stretch.
Strength is about going through what you have to go through, not running away from it.
You will heal, if you give yourself and the space to be a human being, you will heal.
There is pain in breakups, there’s no healthy way out of it other than accepting and embracing. You can even consider taking therapy.
Just don’t bottle up your emotions, that never helps.
6. Stay close to your friends and family
One more unhelpful thing that people do after breakups is that they become distant from the people they share healthy relationships with.
Why? Having a support system will help you move on so much more easily.
They’ll tell you the thing that you need to hear. They’ll offer you the love and care you deserve.
There’s no weakness in being a vulnerable human being, it’s again a sign of strength.
Having my mother and my best friends support me when I left a toxic person helped me more than I could explain. It was a fundamental part of moving on.
Yes, one person is now out of your life, probably for good reason, but the other good ones are still there.
You now have more time to be with them. Let their love support you.
And, that’s it! These were my 7 tips on moving on from an ex. I hope they helped you.
I know that it feels that you can’t move on and that it’s too hard, but trust me that you will.
There will be a time in the future when you will look back and be proud of your strength.
It’s coming closer and closer with each day. Take care of yourself.
Share this with anyone who might need it. I wish you well.
Continue Reading: 10 Steps to Love Yourself Again After a Toxic Relationship