Poorna's Story - Finally home

"I was stuck in a labyrinth..."

Image with illustration of three mountains

I'm a joyous stay-at-home mom. No matter where I go or what I do, this will be my badge of honor. Though not a popular term, I owe all my life lessons to parenting.

As a kid, I used to be spirited and fun-loving. I was socially intact, getting along well with other kids. Over the years, I discovered that spending time with myself was more nurturing and fulfilling than being in the crowd. I developed a taste for art and music.

I enjoyed hours of solitude sketching and playing veena. I was perfectly fine with myself until my teen years, during which our social setting was such that hanging out with your peers all the time was considered cool and appropriate. I slowly began to let go of the nurturing time I spent with myself and spent a lot of time hanging out with them.

As an introvert by nature, I can be social, fun-loving, and move around with people. But I regain my energy with the time I spend with myself.

With the social stigma of equating my introverted nature with being shy and lacking courage, I lapsed into chronic anxiety. I struggled through my teen years, and my parents struggled to bring me back. I started taking medication for anxiety. I did well in school, but despite all this, I wasn't happy.

I completed my graduation and masters as well. While others considered this a great milestone despite my illness, I considered it as dust and treated myself like a doormat.

I gained weight through the years of struggle. Medication was one of the reasons. I knew it all the way, but I couldn't fix it. Several failed trials with numerous dieticians ended in vain. My self-loathing reached its peak, and with more medications to take on, it was a vicious cycle.

I lost some weight; I was on a strict diet. My parents got me married, thinking finding love would make my life better. And it did, to a certain extent. My partner accepted me unconditionally. I had everything, yet I failed in the single most important aspect of loving and accepting myself.

I struggled to get along with my in-laws, who had no idea about me and my life. I really couldn't believe there was a way out. I was stuck in a labyrinth. My husband had hope in me; he took me to a trusted psychiatrist. The doctor took faith in me and assured my recovery.

I slowly withdrew from very high doses. I became a mother. It was a moment of revelation. As I cared for my children, I realized the inner child in me didn't need loathing; all it needed was love, kindness, and acceptance. I started taking over the challenges of raising my children heartily. It improved my self-confidence. I started writing affirmations and kindness quotes to myself every day. I started to look through the brighter side of life by practicing gratitude. It was a journey, and slowly my life got back its sunshine. I went back to my hobbies, I took care of myself and started working on my weight loss.

Now everything seems better, not because of a magic pill, but because of a constant effort and practice to love myself. I have started losing weight, and I have started acknowledging my progress.

After all this, I'm in a place where I'm truly happy to be who I am. As a line from a favorite song goes... "Now, years have passed, and restless legs have settled. We're finally home. Down is up, we've been at the top, we're finally home."

Team Gratitude

Team Gratitude

Hey, it's the team of Gratitude! We're driven to nurture the well-being of people around the world and are grateful to see you here. Connect with us at blog@gratefulness.me :)

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