In 2015 I lost 2 people in my life who were very close to my heart. My father and my best friend passed away in the same year.
First, my best friend was in a bike accident and at that time my father was there to support me. I remember I cried in his lap and he tried to help me to cope with this pain because I didn't even get to see him in his last days.
The day that the bike accident occurred, I was the one whom he called for the last time. I remember even I met with an accident 3 days before and I was on bed rest and he called me and started shouting saying that I don't take care of myself and I should always be alert.
He disconnected the call saying don't cry, stay savdhaan (alert) while joking and saying that he's coming back this month just to see me from Andhra Pradesh.
He even already booked the tickets to fly from Andhra to Mumbai. The same day after that call just in 1 hour I received a call from his phone and some unknown person started asking me do you know this guy.
He met with an accident and they are taking him to the hospital. Even then I was unconscious because I was on medicines. I still don't want to accept that I received that call with such bizarre news.
Time flies as always and from the month of April 2015 I was struggling to cope with this emotional roller coaster. It was November already and on 31st my father called at 3:00 AM midnight and till I reached his bedroom he had already fallen down from his bed.
My mother was in the washroom so she reached for him at the same time. She ran to ask my other relatives who lived right in front of our home.
During the time that she was asking for help, I was holding my father's hand and trying to see if I could do anything to make him feel better but then just in a second, I realized that he was not responding at all.
I felt something cold and suddenly he just stopped talking. I can't forget that night till now.
Just like that my mental health struggle started and later I was diagnosed with PCOS due to extreme stress as I was not eating properly.
I use to get very angry, I stopped talking to other people. I changed into a different person who was scared all the time. It was my fear and the bad experience that may be was the reason that I was in a bad place.
I am a Neuroscience psychology student and I started learning more about gratitude, fear issues, and anxiety. I started practicing gratitude in 2021 and it's been 1 year now.
I feel like whatever I write first thing in the morning, I feel better. It helps me to start my day fresh. Gratitude means I don't write only good things always.
I write whatever I feel every day in my journal. It was difficult to write in a book due to work and also people used to take my diary and read it.
Their intention was not wrong, they wanted to keep a check on my mental health but it became uncomfortable for me to share my actual thoughts. one day I was scrolling through Instagram and I saw the Gratitude apps page.
So I thought let's give it a try maybe this time I can continue and it'll be in my phone, locked and safe.
I believe gratitude writing makes me happier. By writing these things down, I am able to feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, and build strong relationships–a recipe for a much happier life!
Through my studies, I have found that people who write about gratitude are more optimistic and feel better about their lives in general.
It's my daily morning routine, I cannot start my day without writing in my gratitude journal what I am grateful for in my life and it makes me realize that everything happens for a reason.
Before I was spoiled by my father and now when he's not here I know how to take care of myself and to independent woman. I miss both of them equally though and it still scares me to death.
Maybe it always makes me appreciate the time and the people in my life more. I hope my story will inspire others who are struggling with their mental health too.
This mental health month I want to make sure that I am trying to raise more Mental Health Awareness.
Gratitude was practiced long before and I want people to understand its importance of it. Now I know what is mental health and how to cope with it by using these tools.